David Ortiz: Health-care provider

There is a man who sits outside the Shoppers Drug Mart in my neighbourhood. I would not call this man homeless. He has a relatively comfortable looking chair that to sit in, he has a small electric scooter, he never asks anyone for change and he never looks that disheveled.

Why he sits there all the time, I do not know. How he survives, I do not know. But sit there he does. Other than the fact that he sits there and occasionally looks after someone’s dog while they’re shopping, all I know about him is that the soccer-loving lads up the road have taken to calling him Winehouse Jim.

I walked past said Shoppers today. On my approach, I could see that ol’ Winehouse was involved in a heated conversation with an old lady.  I only heard a small bit of the conversation, and Jim was the only one talking as I walked by, but here’s what he had to say:

… Massachusetts voters!

Hey, everybody! Come listen to this stupid American!

The people in Massachusetts already have health care! You know why? You know who gave it to them?

BIG PAPI!

While he’s right that Massholes and others who happen to live in that state have a form of health care — unless I missed some huge news in the last few years — I really don’t think that a baseball-playing Dominican steroid user is responsible for it. But I’m happy that ol’ Winehouse Jim thinks he is. My daily walk past him just got more interesting.

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